originally published September 26, 2009
Laura added the Amble Application, the leisurely, aimless game of walking slowly in random directions, while staring off into the middle distance and pondering life's mediocrities. Challenge your friends, play solo in our what's-the-point mode, or play and chat semi-consciously with fellow Amble fans. Join the 3 or 4 Facebook users who have already attempted to install this indolence-inducing fan favourite!
Laura is finding stuff she lost on the internet. No socks though.
Laura hates it when you have such high hopes for a gift application, you even let it access your page and your info., only to ultimately find out the creator of the gift application couldn't tell a notable golem of ancient legend from a notable golem of totemic myth if it hit him over the head with a Jungian archetype.
Laura took the "What Motivational Obscenity most inspires you?" survey.
Laura received a "Tony Robbins Reference to the Giant Within" using Crappy Gifts for Overwrought Office Managers
Laura added the Tarot Job Search application. The cards currently indicate she should tie her worldly belongings to a stick and take her Jack Russell terrier on a walk along the cliffs.
Laura is sitting in the fabled bat turd seat.
Laura completed the quiz "Which cuddly Harlequin novel scoundrel are you?"
Laura: “I love the smell of Facebook in the morning.”
Laura is spending the day smiting a plague that has been visited upon her house and the house of her children.
Laura wants to know whose hilarious joke it was to make a relaxation CD almost impossible to open.
Laura took the quiz, "Can you present an award without giving a lengthy falsely self-deprecating speech about yourself?"
Laura just accidentally ate some paper. Again.
Laura says today is the first day of the rest of the days that precede your death.
Laura has the germ of an idea and has been quarantined until it passes.
Laura is researching cures for vertigo-induced babbling and skin-picking. She cannot believe there is, as of yet, no name for this affliction.
Laura is waiting for McCain to say swine flu entered the U.S. through Canada due to our lax border protocols.
Laura took the "Which mighty woman of the Roller Derby are you?" quiz.
Laura only publishes quizzes yielding results that please her. The result of "Do you speak too frequently in the third person?" quiz did not please her.
Laura took “The Book of Exodus Quiz” and the result is “Yes” (This one is completely for real, I didn't make it up. The result was actually “Yes”.)
Laura completed the quiz "The sound of which falling object represents the voice of your soul?" with the result Purportedly Unbreakable Glass Bowl.
Laura is shocked to read there may be a real place known as the George W. Bush Presidential Library. She's sure Snopes.com will soon reveal this is a hoax or urban myth.
Laura added the "It's the guerney, not the expiration" imminent death inspirational quotations application.
Laura thinks that perhaps those folks who are medicated are more thoughtful, considerate and nonjudgmental than those pompous asses around them who are so proud of being unmedicated, despite their obvious dire need.
Laura took the quiz, "What TVOntario Celebrity are you?" with the result "You are Elwy Yost. You are balding and good-natured, yet cannot refrain from giddily revealing the plots of films immediately prior to an audience member's viewing of same."
Laura added the "Berlusconi Self-Proclaimed Top of the Popularity Chart Standing With A Bullet and a Side of Indignant Demand for Apology from Spouse" application.
Laura hates it when she stares off into space somewhere and then, after awhile, suddenly realizes she's been staring directly at someone's face, someone she's never met, without even knowing it.
Laura finds it odd someone would end a really long survey with these two final questions, "what is the meaning of life?" and "do you have any open sores?"
In a wager pitting anyone or anything against static cling, always put your money on static cling.
Laura is no longer a fan of being a fan
Laura is having a really hard time maintaining the speed limit and observing caution signs on the high road, despite the fact almost no one is taking it.
Laura has no idea why the name Johnny Wockenfuss just popped into her head
Laura reminds you, on this national day of shedding light on venereal diseases, that the clap and the clapper are two completely different things. Have a bright, lesion-free day!
Laura: Accidental Destroyer of Staplers.
Laura demands less drama, more comedy!
Laura implores you first to ask yourself, "What would Barney Fife do?"
Laura is recovering from the aural assault of excruciatingly boneheaded radio banter.
Laura enjoys reading this portion of the safety manual, "Pre-holiday high spirits notwithstanding, never engage in any prank, horseplay, contest, feat of strength, unnecessary running, rough and boisterous conduct or airing of grievances on the premises, in the plant or near the pole."
Laura says, "It is better to have loved and lost than loved and lost half the equity in your house."
Laura says, "A rose by any other name would still wilt and die and show its true colours as the meaningless public display of false sentiment that it is."
Laura says, "Love is never having to say, 'No, you don't look fat in that.' "
Laura is displaying symptoms of early onset late stages of time disuse disease.
Laura is looking for the most escapist night possible without having to leave the comfort of her living room.
Laura insists Mapquest be renamed Mapcrap. She'd have better luck getting her directional advice from a sextant or a passing wizard.
Laura has noted the pit of patience is not bottomless and yet the well of tests and tribulations never runs dry. WTF?
Laura is craving lemon wacky hello.
Laura is reading "The Humble Paperclip: If you meet the Buddha on the Path, Should you Kill Him With It?”
Laura took the "Which famous office administrator are you?" quiz.
Laura has given up and is gently placing a flame thrower next to her stapler and paper clips.
Laura cast her vote in the poll: "The Vatican: Holy See or Incredibly Exclusive Landlocked Robed Gentlemen's Club?"
Laura is inventing flame-retardant "trial by fire" business attire.
Laura requests that you please stop stoking the fires of nuttery.
Laura does not love it when whimsically random generalizations and ridiculously provocative non-facts are mistaken for painstaking research simply because they are neatly typed and include colour-coded charts and graphs.
Laura cannot believe she's heard the words "Buddy Hackett" three times today, in three unrelated situations.
Laura removed the "Dictating of Humiliating Edicts" application from everyone's profile.
Laura has stricken the word "complexivist" from her vocabulary. As should you all. Particularly if you’re using it in a Bio somewhere. Like on Twitter. Yes, you.
Laura added the "Gee, your chair smells terrific!" application
Laura refuses to contemplate a life without pockets.
Laura has some extremely important decisions to make. Fortunately, she is well-armed with time-proven decision-making techniques and is pleased to report that, so far, "Signs Point To Yes" and "Outlook Good" !!!
Laura wishes she could time travel, if only to tell Rod Serling that the pronunciation of "robot" is not ROW-bit.
Laura asks that you please colour your photo purple if you support the restoration of the rights of disinherited royals now in hiding and living in fear for their riches.
Laura thinks it’s funny, after someone is encouraged to share their new idea, to dismissively bellow “That’s Crap!”
Laura became a fan of overuse of the word “crap”.
